Category Archives: From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family

Spaghetti and Waffles

Perhaps you have heard the saying that men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. This illustration alludes to the fact that men are better able to compartmentalize their thoughts whereas a women’s thoughts are often quite inter-tangled.

Well if that is true, then I would say that pregnant women are like congealed left over spaghetti that has been left in the fridge a couple days too long and can no longer be separated.

Because if my husband wants to spend money on a back-up drive then we will never be able to afford our dream home. And if we can’t move into our dream home our children won’t have enough room to run around and diffuse their eneryg and then my daughter will keep doing things like spitting in my face and my son will keep imitating her. And if they are the kind of children that spit in my face than what kind of parent am I? And If I’m a bad parent how can I prevent them from turning into delinquents. And if the older two are delinquents than surely the third will be as well. And if we are ever able to afford a dream house then we will have to sell it in order to pay for lawyer’s fees when they get sent to jail. And why do we even need a new back-up drive?

I exaggerate, but really, those poor, dear husbands who have to distinguish between the noodles. And I’ve been pregnant or breast feeding for almost five years, God bless the man he stuck with me for this marathon of hormones.

 

 

 

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Filed under From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family

This and That

I promised myself when I started blogging that I would never blog just for the sake of putting out a blog post. The temptation was there when I started but it takes blogging from pleasurable to stressful so I’ve abstained from this pit fall. Hence, you haven’t heard much from me since I found out I was pregnant in September. My favorite times for blogging were nap time and after the kid’s bedtime and though I have written many fine blog posts in my mind, they have all stayed there, followed by much needed naps and early bedtimes.

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and still rather low on energy but as I mentally prepare for my interior decor classes to start up (I took off last semester), I feel myself being drawn back towards blogging, though time will tell how fruitful my fingers are on the keyboard. I am starting this year eager to do some design work for a friend and itching to show you what I have been up to in my two upstairs bathrooms.

I took my husband’s time at home over Christmas break to work on the last room in our house to remain untouched- the kid’s bathroom, and I finally finished off our master bath with a new quartz counter top (Happy Birthday/ Merry Christmas to me). I can’t wait to share some pictures but I’m still waiting for the last step: moving over the light fixtures. Currently they both look like this:

2014-12-30 09.17.13

Master Bathroom

Isn’t that light fixture gorgeous? I’ll have much better pictures when it’s all done. If I was more computer savvy I would photo shop it to move the light over and get on with my post…but I’m not. I’ve been trying to get an electrician in since September but it still hasn’t happened, partly due to poor planning on my part. This brings me to my New Years Resolutions. They’re pretty simple really:

1.) get an electrician

2.) make it to the hospital on time to get an epidural

and (most importantly),

3.) make sure I never get pregnant again.

Okay, maybe number two and three aren’t entirely within my control, but I’ll do my best.

Happy New Year!

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Filed under At home, From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family

Breeding Discontent

One of my greatest guilty pleasures (after watching stupid teen shows like “Vampire Diaries”) is looking at real estate. Specifically, I like to look at charming old houses which are outside our financial scope at this time but may be within it in ten years or so. I love to go through the pictures admiring the craftsmanship and planning renovations which enhance the original charm of the homes (what a travesty when over zealous renovators strip these lovelies of their detail!).

Right now I am drooling over this 3 bedroom heritage home in New Westminster’s West End:

English Garden, Sloped roof, front porch. Oh yah.

English Garden, Sloped roof, front porch. *Drool*. Picture via.

And rooms like the following with molding and arches:

heritagekitchen

I look at this room and my mind moves a mile a minute in excitement. I imagine new tile floors, built in banquette seating with gorgeous throw pillows surrounding a round pedestal table, whimsical wallpaper above the wainscoting and a gorgeous light fixture.

All fun and games until I start to indulge these fancies for too long, hence it being a “guilty” pleasure. I start to want the houses, really, really want them. I feel so frustrated that this dream is out of my grasp that discontent starts to grow in my heart. When it gets to this point I have to give myself a mental slap in the face in order to remember how much I already have.

Three years ago we would never have even imagined being able to own a three bedroom townhouse. Not only do we have the space we need for our family but also added pleasures like an en-suite, large closets, nine foot ceilings, and neighbors we adore. There is so much to enjoy and be thankful for in my current circumstances.

And not just in terms of housing. I have two beautiful children who have actually started playing together (between episodes of Sofia pushing Charlie over and him biting her in retaliation), as well as a healthfully growing baby who no longer makes me want to vomit every minute of every day.

Yesterday Sofia and Charlie spent like and hour "reading" together on our dismantled chaise.

Yesterday Sofia and Charlie spent like and hour “reading” together on our dismantled chaise.

I’ll keep these blessings close to my heart and mind as Steve and I enjoy being looky loos at the open house this weekend.

 

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Filed under At home, Eye Candy, From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family, In the Royal City, Uncategorized

Seeds of Hope

Do you believe in dreams?

I have made my distress over this pregnancy very clear to those around me, and to you, dear blog readers. As a result I have had a host of women praying for me.

A week and a half ago I had a dream. Actually, it was more a picture in my head than a dream. It was of me holding a baby girl. I didn’t remember the dream until later in the day at which point I felt struck with a certainty that I am having a girl. The next day I also had a name come to mind which we had not previously considered along with a feeling that this baby girl is going to be special. Not necessarily save the world kinda special, but very special to our family. By nature I am an uncertain person but all of a sudden I was very certain about three things: Girl. Anna. Special.

(FYI, despite how Sofia likes to pronounce it, not “Anna” like in Frozen)

None of this was really very remarkable but the change that it made in my heart was. As these certainties seeded in my heart I went from despising the baby growing in my belly and praying for a miscarriage (terrible but true) to being more enamored with this baby, at only ten weeks, than I was with either of my greatly anticipated planned(ish) children. The baby no longer feels like a little demon beast whose goal it is to make me miserable, but rather a precious baby girl.

This change in heart has gradually lifted me out of my depression. I suppose it is no surprise given the physical ailments associated with depression, that since my spirits have lifted I have also had more energy and less headaches and nausea. I’m still tired and nauseated most of the day (my children think it’s a fun game to imitate my dry heaving in the morning), but it is more manageable, for which I am thankful.

I can’t promise an outpouring of blogging but as time and energy allow I’ll be getting back into it. Thank you everyone who has been keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

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I dropped the ball

I have officially dropped the ball. My children are watching Cars 2 for the second time this week (and it’s only Tuesday), my house is a disaster, I’ve dropped out of all my classes for the semester,  I’m behind on all my correspondence, and I am weeks late letting you know that Heather Hansen is the winner of the beautiful Ming Dragon pillows featured on Free Pillow Friday.

In regards to Free Pillow Friday, and blogging in general, I am also going to be dropping the ball. I am currently forcing myself to write this blog post, mostly to tidy up loose end regarding the contest. To put it bluntly, finding out I am unexpectedly pregnant with a third babe has sent me into a depressive spiral and I am functioning on survival mode (barely). Because of past experience and my nursing education I am aware that I am in a major depressive episode at the moment but despite this awareness I  have little energy or motivation to work my way out.

I’m essentially writing to say that I won’t be writing much in the next while. Though my husband is bearing up beautifully to my complaints and moaning I won’t expose you to “the pit”.

I’ll see you on the other side. When I get through this. Because I always do. Prayers appreciated dear readers.

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Filed under From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family, Give Aways

The Game Changer

I’ve said it before and now I’ll say it again, I am a planner. I set plans for the future in my mind and they are beautiful. I look forward to them with excitement.

The thing is, my plans rarely seem to line up with God’s plans for me.

I had this beautiful vision of the future in my mind. I would finish my interior decorating diploma this year then start work at the hospital again on a casual basis after summer. My children would, not many years after this be in school full time and I would have more time to devote to decorating, DIY, a clean home, and gourmet dinners. It was a really nice plan. I was looking forward to it.

But here comes the game changer. I’m pregnant again. I really, really did not mean to be pregnant again. I was done, done, done at two. But here I am, six weeks pregnant, expecting late April.

All of a sudden our three bedroom townhouse doesn’t seem like it will comfortably last us for the forever I was hoping. We need to trade in our car for a van. I will be giving birth in the Spring rather than completing my diploma. I will lapse five years of not nursing and will have to do retraining, and it seems less likely I will ever go back to this form of work.

We all experience different challenges in life accompanied by different forms of grief. For so many lovely women their challenge is getting pregnant, their grief the babies they never get to hold. Right now, for me, the challenge is adjusting to this new reality, the grief is letting go of all my “well laid” plans. As my dear friend noted, the root of the challenge is the same, we are not getting what we wanted.

I am not happy. I have shed many, many tears, but I am resigned and I am adjusting to a new vision for the future. I hold onto the fact that no matter how much this is not what I wanted for my life, it is what God has planned for me. And I know that once this baby is in my arms I will love it just as fiercely and whole heartily as I love Charlie and Sofia.

And in the end, as I always find when my plans go awry, God’s plan for me will turn out to be better than expected.

 

 

 

 

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Filed under From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family

It’s Gettin’ Better All the Time

I have been looking forward to this summer since last summer. I knew that this would be the summer when Charlie would be old enough to more fully participate in our epic summer adventures. Last summer he wasn’t crawling or talking. This summer he is practically running and has begun stringing together short sentences. The beauty of having two children close in age is beginning to come to fullness as they engage one another in play. Being mom is getting easier.

Not to say that having a 1 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old is easy. She is a temperamental threenager and he is getting his two year molars, but it is getting easier. More fun. More engaging. And I am thankful. I am going to make it (through parenting). I am even going to enjoy it.

Today’s adventure was to the Pacific National Exhibition (PNE). I couldn’t have done it with out Aunt Justi along to help keep the kids in tow but we had so much fun. Warning, copious numbers of cute pictures coming up:

Can't go to the PNE without eating mini donuts.

Can’t go to the PNE without eating mini donuts.

...or milking a cow...

…or milking a cow…

Yah, Aunt Justi, your picture is published on the internet. But it's okay. You look hot.

My farmer boy.

Sofia's new dance partner. The "princess ballerina with the red hair".

Sofia’s new dance partner. The “princess ballerina with the red hair”.

IMG_2753

My little country girl.

Go fish.

Go fish.

Tired after a long day at the fair. Good thing the Fox needed a rest too.

Tired after a long day at the fair. Good thing the Fox needed a rest too.

Like I said, it’s gettin’ better all the time. And the PNE helps…

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Filed under From the Heart: Thoughts on Life and Family, Uncategorized